When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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