Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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