she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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