So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
