Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
