Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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