the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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