She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
