I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize