I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
as a side note pls kill me
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
