i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
ok first of all what the fuck
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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