Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
