Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
