She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
