it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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