i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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