Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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