Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
