It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
