I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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