Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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