totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
