Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
