i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
