You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
