I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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