Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
