pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It's official drugs can't kill me
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
