JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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