Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
