so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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