I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
