I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she looked like the before picture.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize