sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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