Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
