i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
3 2 1 whiskey
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
