Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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