We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
