I can tuck mytits in my pants
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It's shark week go big or go home
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
