Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
