Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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