doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize