My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
