Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
