since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
