I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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