Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
