I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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