I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
