Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i would punch a child for taco bell
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
