i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
