Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
