bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
