why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
