Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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