Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Damn victory sex feels great
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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