Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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