Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
