Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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