Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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