Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
