If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
