dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
The beer is more important than you right now.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
