So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
