just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
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