I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
