in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
