dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
