So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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