maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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