all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
